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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22410802">Understanding Madness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Direga/pseuds/Direga'>Direga</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Iron Bull Adventures [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age: Inquisition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition Quest - Demands of the Qun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:16:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,087</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22410802</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Direga/pseuds/Direga</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Can you tell me about them? What were they like? What really happened to them?" Bull finally asked after months of avoiding the topic, months of telling himself he knew the answer and that it would be as the Qun had told him. Adaar looked surprised at the question, but it quickly faded into a bittersweet smile and sighed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Male Adaar/Iron Bull, Male Inquisitor/Iron Bull</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Iron Bull Adventures [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/271888</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Understanding Madness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So it seems like I've posted a new work every 2 years now... oops?<br/>Life has been busy, but I started replaying DA:I and feelings came back in full swing, so here I am doing what I enjoy doing to channel these feelings: writing sentimental short stories xD<br/>If you have any prompts feel free to post them in the comments!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three days had passed since that fateful day in the Storm Coast.</p><p>Three days had also passed that he had spent thinking that he was done for. He didn't regret the choice, as the Chargers got to live, but he believed that he was a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode and beginning killing innocents around Skyhole. It would have been easy to let Krem lead the Chargers and disappear. Hide in a dark hole somewhere, away from everyone and everything. Perhaps he could leave and challenge a dragon on his own and let the Madness overtake him. But there was one little wrinkle in his mind. One tiny little box that didn't fit anywhere neatly. A box that he had created on the first day he had joined the Inquisition.</p><p>Bull stopped walking on the battlements and turned towards the mountains, placing his hands on the wall. He closed his eyes and listened to a couple of birds nearby chirping, the sound of swords clashing down in the training grounds and the quiet murmur of the wind.</p><p>"I'm Qunari too, you know?" Adaar had told him that day. It had almost felt offensive.</p><p>"You're not Qunari. You're Vashoth." He had told him casually.</p><p>"Still had to grow up looking like this. Plus, my parents told me a lot about the Qun." He had replied. At the time he had some basic intel on Adaar. Vashoth, raised by two Tal-Vashoth. Went mad and killed a bunch of humans in a nearby village from where they lived. He noted mentally that he had most likely been taught to hate the Qun, and that it was a topic to tread lightly if he wanted to stay on the good side of the guy who seemed to be calling the shots around. </p><p>"Fair enough. I've nothing against you, only those that kill innocent people." He had decided to reply, which was true. He was not part of the Arvaraad. He was assigned to the Ben-Hassrath, with keeping the peace. He only had a problem with those that turned violent, which he had been told all his life every Tal-Vashoth eventually do.</p><p>"You would have liked my parents then, I think." Adaar had told him before he was called back to the Chantry for an urgent manner. Bull at first thought it was a provocation to see how he would react, but as he grew closer and closer to Adaar he began to realize that he doesn't do shit like that. He is smart, and above all else, caring and genuine. He would not have said it if he didn't truly believe it. And so he began to believe that Adaar was under the impression that his parents actually did not kill a bunch of humans when they eventually fell to madness. There was another possibility forming in his mind all these months later, however. One that he dared not think of before, but one that he has to consider. What if the intel was wrong? What if Adaar's parents never actually killed anyone. What if Bull had been lied to so he could keep focused on the task at hand. Tal-Vashoth that did not fall to madness did not fit the narrative that the Qun taught, that every single Tal-Vashoth must the killed on sight.</p><p>Bull opened his eyes and let out a breath he had been holding. What if? He had to know.</p><p>---------------------------------------------------</p><p>"Hey, Boss."</p><p>Adaar startled, dropping the papers he was carrying up to his room as he heard the booming voice of The Iron Bull.</p><p>"Bull? I did not expect you to be here." He said, quickly picking the papers and half haphazardly dropping them on the table. "Are you feeling better? Didn't think you'd want to talk to me after what happened." He mentioned, moving closer and sitting on the bed next to him.</p><p>"Can you tell me about them? What were they like? What really happened to them?" Bull finally asked after months of avoiding the topic, months of telling himself he knew the answer and that it would be as the Qun had told him. Adaar looked surprised at the question, but it quickly faded into a bittersweet smile and sighed.</p><p>"I think the best way to describe it for you would be that I'm very much like both of them. My pa Beres-taar was was patient and always saw the best in people. He taught me a lot about the Qun and its ways and loved to cook with my ma Taashath. She was stern and demanding, but looking back I see that it was her way of dealing with her choice. And deep down she cared a lot about me and those around her as well. With her around, you'd know not to cause any disturbance tho." He reminisced, chuckling at the end. "I always got myself in trouble for making small wooden swords and injuring myself chasing nugs around."</p><p>Bull could see it, Adaar as a small child, sword in and running after the small critters. "You mentioned that your parents taught you about the Qun. I always imagined it wasn't anything good, but now I wonder. What were you told about it?"</p><p>"It was... complicated. When I talk to you about the Qun, our conversation made me remember some similar ones I used to have with my parents. They taught me about purpose and how each one of us has a role to fulfill. They always seemed very stressed describing it to me and cried when I hugged them after. I realized it when I talked to you that they must have felt they took me away from being given my role. From being able to fulfill my purpose." Adaar looked at his hand and then around the room. "And yet, I found a role and purpose. Who knows, maybe if they hadn't I wouldn't have stopped Corypheus from getting what he wanted at the temple. Maybe this was my true role to play."</p><p>Purpose outside the Qun... A role to play that isn't decided by others but chosen. However...</p><p>"You didn't exactly choose to become the Inquisitor." he pointed out.</p><p>"True. Perhaps it was fate, I don't know. But I could have denied my current role. I chose to stay." Adaar mentioned.</p><p>"What about your parents? Did they ever find their purpose here in the south?" Bull asked then. Adaar was not Tal-Vashoth, his parents were. If he wanted to find an answer, it had to lie with them.</p><p>"I don't know." Adaar murmured and placed a hand on Bull's shoulder. "You're a good man Bull, I know you'll be okay without the Qun. It will hurt, as I could tell my parents were hurting. But you have lived for many years effectively outside the Qun, with your Chargers. And they are yours. You should be proud."</p><p>"But I knew my place. I had my orders. Without them, I don't know what to do... I'm afraid I'll end up hurting Krem, or Dalish, or any of my Chargers. Or someone else in the Inquisition." Bull stated, deflating at the confession. "I think the Inquisition could replace the Qun for a while, I'd just follow your orders instead, but even the Inquisition will not last forever."</p><p>"... will not last forever?" Adaar asked, tensing ever so slightly. Bull looked at him incredulously.</p><p>"Obviously, did you think it would? If Corypheus is defeated, the <em> purpose </em> of the Inquisition will be gone. Sure, it will exist for a while after still, there are rifts to close and order to be restored in many regions." Bull explained, however, Adaar seemed to be looking at some distant point beyond him.</p><p>"That's not it. You reminded me of a conversation my parents had with each other. My ma said that our lifestyle could not last forever." Adaar stated, standing up and started pacing around the room. "That they were after us... the... uhh"</p><p>"Arvaarad."</p><p>"Yes!" Adaar exclaimed. "This was the day before... the day before they sent me away with the Valo-Kas..." Adaar looked at Bull as the realization hit him. "They stayed behind to protect me. So I wouldn't be hunted down my entire life."</p><p>"They regard Vashoth as they would any other bas. If they had found you, they would have brought you back to Par Vollen and indoctrinated you into the Qun." Bull explained, looking at Adaar as he paced back and forth.</p><p>"Then why didn't they flee? Why stay behind to get brutally murdered?" Adaar asked, almost in tears.</p><p>"I... tell me what you know, perhaps I can put some things together." Bull suggested, but he had a pretty good hunch already. However, this is not consistent with the intel he was given, he needed to be sure Adaar had no doubt about what transpired. Adaar clenched his fists and looked away.</p><p>"I went back one day when the Valo-Kas were nearby. The house was clearly abandoned, whatever we had in there had been looted. But I saw the unmistakable stains of blood on the floor and walls."</p><p>"And the bodies?"</p><p>"Buried by the humans we used to trade with from a nearby town. When it was clear that we had stopped showing up to trade, they went to investigate. They told me that they had been dead for a few days already, so they did what they could."</p><p>Bull sighed. If Adaar's parents knew they were coming, then they must have been tipped off. Probably unknowingly by one of the same humans who buried them, just by mentioning they traded with Qunari with the wrong new face passing by. However, this confirms that Adaar's parents did not actually attack anyone. Humans would not bury someone who attacked them, nor would they talk to Adaar after. "I'm sorry Adaar, for all that it matters."</p><p>Adaar sighed then as well and sat right next to Bull. "You don't have to apologize to me. I've seen you on the battlefield, you don't kill someone unless they attack you first. And your position in the Qun was to keep the peace, you didn't hunt individuals like my parents." He said, placing a hand on Bull's shoulder again. "You would not be here if I didn't want you here, or enjoyed your company. You are The Iron Bull, not the Qun itself. I don't blame you."</p><p>Bull let himself smile again. "Thanks, boss. This is where I want to be as well." Having said that, he locked eyes with Adaar. The same eyes that had shown mercy, compassion and even stared down a dragon in the face. Something strange happened then, he was looking at someone he found that he didn't mind devoting his entire life for. The realization seemingly making his worries pain him less than they did just a moment before.</p><p>"You know, my ma did tell me something before they left me with the Valo-Kas. I had kind of forgotten about it." Adaar mentioned, looking down at his hand.</p><p>"What was it?"</p><p>"Your purpose does not have to be clear or given to you. In time you'll find that your own achievements, as small as they may seem, will provide you with the stepping stones for something far greater." Adaar then placed his hand in the centre of Bull's chest and continued. "Keep the people that you trust close to your heart, and they will anchor you to the right path. You were our kadan when we feared we were losing our way. Find those that will kadan for you as well, and you won't have to fear what tomorrow will bring."</p><p>"Wise woman." Bull commented, weighing the words that he had just heard. Adaar's parents were able to remain anchored to the right path... meaning they found purpose in raising him. Their kadan. He had the Chargers, he had defected to protect them, and they were surely kadan. And the man in front of him as well, he was finding out. He should have seen this coming.</p><p>"Well, I hope this talk has helped you Bull. Want to go grab some drinks? I'll pay." Adaar offered, standing up and walking towards the stairs. Yeah, a man after his own heart, alright.</p><p>"Unless you want to ride the bull." He joked. Well, half-joked. Seeing Adaar blush was certainly a bonus.</p><p>"You ass." He replied, to which Bull only raised his eyebrow. He then smirked as he saw Adaar turn around, already unbuttoning his shirt.</p><p>He might actually get to enjoy his new life.</p>
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